no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
