I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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