You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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