Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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