you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
