I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
