I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
