Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
