Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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