I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
