Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Im part way to drunk.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
