Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
That accounts for only three of the penises
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
