So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
