So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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