What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
