I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
