Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
