I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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