After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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