I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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