She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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