The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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