I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
