After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
