there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
my liver is dry heaving
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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