I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
