im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
