get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
where are my eyebrows?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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