he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
