The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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