woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
