She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
