i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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