my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize