4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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