I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
