I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
