I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
