Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
