I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
