suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
