somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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