The maid of honor just puked.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
