That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
