hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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