it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
