I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
50% drunk capacity currently
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
