I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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