hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
