Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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