i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
