I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
