ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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