I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
