the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
