My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
