she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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