Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
