I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
i now understand why vodka
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
